Hello, fashionistas!
Since mental health is always in style, today’s post is more about areas I am working on growing and healing, rather than entirely clothing style inspired. I have honestly had a harder time sharing clothing inspo as I navigate a new size and shape postpartum, but that is for another time! (As one quick fashion note, this comfy babydoll olive green sweatshirt + cello mid rise jeans is what I am currently wearing. There!) If you are embracing your mental health growth and journey, or not, I invite you to read on!
Recently, a childhood wound was activated by a change in plans. On the surface, I didn’t think it really impacted me. It’s just a change in plans. Who hasn’t had to change plans, especially since becoming a parent (or a general human)!? Plus one of my top 5 skills from the Strengthfinder’s quiz was Adaptability. So surely, this couldn’t be the issue. However, on a deeper level, I was affected. My husband noticed and mentioned I seemed extra sensitive after that. I stopped to consider. On the surface check, I didn’t think it was a big deal, and I was prepared for the change because it happened many times before,. But I was let down, and it activated my younger self’s wounds, who experienced this many times and did not have the words, ears, or advocate for her in the past. I failed her today by brushing it off and not speaking up. The lack of empowerment, or sharing my voice, likely was equally as devastating. By talking it out with my husband, and talking through multiple therapy sessions on the subject, it helped to reset and regroup with a strategy.
Something I have worked super hard on in therapy is having a voice. The situation earlier is a prime example as my counselor would say of “falling off the bike”, but the good news is we can try again. Regarding someone that may cancel or make changes, I have learned (and am reminding myself here) of some words and language on what to do. For example, instead of saying, ‘no problem!’ I could say, “I understand you need to reschedule. I am disappointed/xyz emotion I won’t get to see you today, let’s try xyz again soon.” A little rusty, but it’s a start! I am not trying to guilt them. Or possibly, “When you have to reschedule last minute, it affects me xyz way (ex it’s hard to rebook a sitter). I would love to spend time with you, is that something you would like?” Please remember, I am not a therapist, and I am completely a work in progress.
The deeper question I heard my younger self asking after this was, “Why don’t you want to hang out with me?” Which leads to a deeper worry of, “Am I loveable? Am I worth loving?” This question is heavy and breaks my own heart. Younger and present self, yes, you undoubtedly are, that and so much more. I have done this work before, but these deeper questions were buried beneath the surface. My husband helped point it out, without knowing what those deeper wounds or questions were. Plus as a new mom, it’s even more important to navigate this, for both generations and those to come.
When I was driving to church earlier, I was reminded of God’s love for us. As humans, are we really worthy? Not exactly, but we are His sons and daughters, and therefore He loves us unconditionally. Jesus connects us, and it’s the purest love. If there is any doubt, it is a great foundation to go to to recenter.
I would tell my younger self, you are so worth spending time with, you are an absolute delight and joy. I can’t wait to hang out with you again and explore, dream, sit, laugh, or cry, and just be.
I doubt this is the last time it happens, but I will be ready to meet her, wherever she is.
As we raise our daughter in this chaotic world, I pray she knows and feels that, too.
What would you tell your younger self?
<3
PS If you are in need of support for your mental health, please reach out! Additionally, I’m happy to suggest therapists in NC, VA or virtual!
PPS Image credit goes to Amy Lima Photography, hair and makeup by Bridal and Braids, styled by Fashion Stoppe.
